Exodus 21 to 23: The Leviticus Dry Run

Exodus 21

OK, lots of fruit-loopy laws now, some of which doubtless made sense at the time.

Here are some faves, but they have to be read to be, er, believed.

Verse 17 “And he that curseth his father, or his mother, shall surely be put to death.”

Which motherfucker thought that one up? Doh!!

Verse 24 “Eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot. Pancreas for pancreas.”

OK, I made the last bit up.

Exodus 22

Verse 16 “And if a man entice a maid that is not betrothed, and lie with here, he shall surely endow her to be his wife. If her father utterly refuse to give her unto him, he shall pay money according to the dowry of virgins.”

Oh, burn baby burn

Verse 17 “Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live.”

Oh, and if you're feeling sheepish.

Verse 19 “Whosoever lieth with a beast shall surely be put to death.”

Man, that'd really get my goat. It would be unbearable.

Here's one for the times

Verse 21 “Thou shalt neither vex a stranger. Nor oppress him: for ye were strangers in the land of Egypt.”

And God hammers it home by repeating it Ch 23 verse 9

Chapter 23

Ah, here's Christmas and birthdays screwed then:

Verse 8 “And thou shalt take no gift: for the gift blindeth the wise and perverteth the words of the righteous.”

And we get a little biodiversity advice...

Verse 10-11 “And six years thou shalt sow thy land, and shalt gather the fruits thereof: But he seventh year thou shalt let it rest and lie still that the poor of thy people may eat: and what they leave the beasts of the field shall eat. In like manner thou shalt deal with thy vineyard, and with thy oliveyard.”

And verse 13 “no other gods” schtick again. Slightly low self-esteem there, Bearded Sky Man? Or maybe whoever wrote this down figured out that being the only link to the only God was a powerful position? Just saying...

Oh, and God's gonna send an Angel

Verse 22 “But if thou shalt indeed obey his voice, and do all that I speak; then I will be an enemy unto thine enemies, and an adversary unto thine adversaries.”

Smiting and hornets etc are promised, but not too bluntly...

Verse 29 “I will not drive them out from before thee in one year; lest the land become desolate, and the beast of the field multiply against thee.”

So don't have too many cows, man...

Verse 31 “And I will set thy bounds from the Red sea even unto the sea of the Philistines, and from the desert unto the river: for I will deliver the inhabitants of the land into your hand: and thou shalt drive them out before thee. Thou shalt make no covenant with them, nor their gods. They shall not dwell in thy land., lest they make the sin against me: for if thou serve their gods, it will surely be a snare unto thee.”

Bearded Sky Man, two state it clearly, you really aren't helping here mate...