Genesis 30 to 31: Handmaids, Catfights and Good Fences

Genesis 30

Catfight between the sisters! Rachel, the one Jacob wanted from the get go, can't get going with the pregnancy thing.

Verse 3 “And she said, Behold my maid Billah, go in unto her,and she shall bear upon my knees that I may also have children by her.”

Yup, I remember Faye Dunaway lying down so Robert Duvall could schtupp Natasha Richardson in the film of The Handmaid's Tale , which was nowhere near as good as Margaret Atwood's book.

So, there's a lot of boring bearing, as Rachel and Leah compete for Jacob's favours.

And Reuben (Leah's oldest) went

Verse 14-5 “in the days of wheat harvest, and found mandrakes in the field, and brought them unto his mother Leah. Then Rachel said to Leah, Give me I pray thee, of thy son's mandrakes.
And she said unto her. Is it a small matter that thou hast taken my husband? And wouldest thou take away my son's mandrakes also? And Rachel said, Therefore he [Jacob] shall lie with thee to night for thy son's mandrakes.”

The pimping backfires, cos somehow Leah goes from post-menopausal to spitting out MORE brats. Then God, who seems forgetful (huh?)

Verse 22 “And God remembered Rachel, and God hearkened to her, and opened her womb.”

And she spits out Joseph

And Jacob wants to leave his host (Crikey, it must have been at least 20 years, and you'd think Laban would be glad to see the back of him). But no, they haggle and in lieu of a severance payment for work rendered, Jacob says

Verse 32 “I will pass through all thy flock to day, removing from thene all the speckled and spotted cattle, and all the brown cattle among the sheep, and the spotted and speckled among the goatts: and of such shall be my hire.”

And Jacob has some sneaky selective breeding/genetic engineering scam afoot, involving rods of green poplar etc, and ends up with a bigger stronger load of animals than Laban.

A fine way to repay Laban for his hospitality. These Old Testament blighters aren't very Christian...

Genesis 31

Laban ain't happy. Jacob tells his wives Rachel and Leah “your ded ripped me off for wages.”
This is why you need to be in a union.

Anyway, Rachel and Leah leg it with Jacob.

Verse 19 “And Laban went to shear his sheep: and Rachel had stolen the images that were her father's.”

So there's a hot pursuit (a sheep chase rather than a car chase?)

Verse 25 “And then he took his brethren with him, and pursued him seven days' journey: and they overtook him in the mount Gilead.”

God does a cameo in one of Laban's dreams, telling him to play nice or else.

Laban tells Jacob that he is protected, but that he wants his gods (i.e. the images Rachel half-inched), back. Jacob doesn't know Rachel did this. Laban looks everywhere, but Rachel is sitting on them, and says she's on the blob.

Verse 35 “And she said to her farther, Let it not displease my lord that Icannot rise up before thee; for the custom of women is upon me. And he searched but found nto the images.”

Jacob gets angry and “chode” with Laban.

Verse 37 “Whereas thou hast searched all my stuff, what hast though found of all thy household stuff?"

So they argue some more, pile some stones like a cairn and from what I can gather agree that that is the boundary between them, but if Jacob beats Leah or Rachel or takes more wives There Will Be Trouble, God or no God.

You know what they say- good fences make good neighbours... Presumably all this obsessing about whose sheep is whose and where boundaries between tribes will be is a reflection of the shrinking wilderness as populations increased and/or environmental degradation kicked in? Dunno.