Leviticus 14 to 17: Pure and simply boring

Leviticus 14

Leper goes to priest, who has to

verse 5-6 “And the priest shall command that one of the birds be killed in an earthen vessel over running water. As for the living bird, he shall take it, and the cedar wood, and the scarlet, and the hyssop, and shall dip them and the living bird in the blood of the bird that was killed over the running water”

Crikey, try getting that prescription filled at your local chemist!

And the priest has to do some lamb killing and burning and tips of right ear and toe of newt eye of frog and all that guff.

And there's a sliding scale if the afflicted be poor:

Verse 21 "And if he be poor, and cannot get so much; then he shall take one lamb for a trespass offering to be waved, to make an atonement for him, and one tenth deal of fine flour mingled with oil for a meat offering, and a log of oil"

And there goes God again, promising real estate

Verse 34 "When ye be come into the land of Canaan, which I give to you for a possession, and I put the plague of leprosy in a house of the land of your possession"

(followed by rules about cleansing and purifying and so forth)

Chapter 15

God tells Moses to tell the Israelites that running sores are unclean. This whole chunk of Leviticus is turning into a running joke, and it's making me sore.

More purity stuff-

Verse 4-7 “Every bed, whereon he lieth that hath the issue, is unclean: and every thing, whereon he sitteth, shall be unclean. And whosoever toucheth his bed shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even. And he that sitteth on any thing whereon he sat that hath the issue shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even. And he that toucheth the flesh of him that hath the issue shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even.”

Now, a lot of this stuff makes sense, and was useful in the days before a germ theory of contagion. But I ask you

Verse 14 “And on the eighth day he shall take to him two turtledoves, or two young pigeons, and come before the LORD unto the door of the tabernacle of the congregation, and give them unto the priest”

I mean, it's like something out of the Old Testame... oh, yeah, um. never mind.

Ah, and here is the Lewinsky doctrine-

Verse 16-17 “And if any man's seed of copulation go out from him, then he shall wash all his flesh in water, and be unclean until the even. And every garment, and every skin, whereon is the seed of copulation, shall be washed with water, and be unclean until the even.”

And this next bit is sure to be a red rag to the feminists-

Verse 18-19 “And if a woman have an issue, and her issue in her flesh be blood, she shall be put apart seven days: and whosoever toucheth her shall be unclean until the even. And every thing that she lieth upon in her separation shall be unclean: every thing also that she sitteth upon shall be unclean.”

Oh FFS. It's. Menstrual. Blood. Deal. With. It.

Verse 29-30 “And on the eighth day she shall take unto her two turtles, or two young pigeons, and bring them unto the priest, to the door of the tabernacle of the congregation. And the priest shall offer the one for a sin offering, and the other for a burnt offering; and the priest shall make an atonement for her before the LORD for the issue of her uncleanness.”

Chapter 16

Now, we come back to Aaron's dead kids. God gives Moses a bunch of instructions to pass on. Including

Verse 7-10 “And he shall take the two goats, and present them before the LORD at the door of the tabernacle of the congregation. And Aaron shall cast lots upon the two goats; one lot for the LORD, and the other lot for the scapegoat. And Aaron shall bring the goat upon which the LORD's lot fell, and offer him for a sin offering. But the goat, on which the lot fell to be the scapegoat, shall be presented alive before the LORD, to make an atonement with him, and to let him go for a scapegoat into the wilderness.”

So, no bad thing to be an (e)scapegoat.

Gotta kill a bullock and sprinkle its blood around.

And it goes on. Yea did I create a rod for mine own back when I said I would read this in/for a year.

There must be some way to atone for this sin against common sense?

Verse 33-4 “And he shall make an atonement for the holy sanctuary, and he shall make an atonement for the tabernacle of the congregation, and for the altar, and he shall make an atonement for the priests, and for all the people of the congregation. And this shall be an everlasting statute unto you, to make an atonement for the children of Israel for all their sins once a year. And he did as the LORD commanded Moses.”

Chapter 17

Ah, now the priests are channelling God, demanding their 'cut'. Remember that scene in The Godfather Two about 'dipping your beak'...

Verse 3-4 “What man soever there be of the house of Israel, that killeth an ox, or lamb, or goat, in the camp, or that killeth it out of the camp. And bringeth it not unto the door of the tabernacle of the congregation, to offer an offering unto the LORD before the tabernacle of the LORD; blood shall be imputed unto that man; he hath shed blood; and that man shall be cut off from among his people”

And No Other Gods. Alright?? How many times do I have to tell you, eh?

Verse 7 “And they shall no more offer their sacrifices unto devils, after whom they have gone a whoring. This shall be a statute for ever unto them throughout their generations.”

No blood drinking either.

Verse 14 “For it is the life of all flesh; the blood of it is for the life thereof: therefore I said unto the children of Israel, Ye shall eat the blood of no manner of flesh: for the life of all flesh is the blood thereof: whosoever eateth it shall be cut off.”