Exodus 3-6: Speechophobia, Zebra Crossings and Industrial Relations

Exodus 3

So Moses is shepherding

Verse 2 “And the angel of the LORD appeared unto him in a flame of fire out of the midst of a bush: and he looked, and, behold, the bush burned with fire, and the bush was not consumed.”

Hmm, I hope the LORD is offsetting his apparemissions...

And God says “Yo, Moses”

Verse 7 “And the LORD said, I have surely seen the affliction of my people which by reason of their taskmasters: for I know their sorrows: And I am come down to deliver them out of the hand of the Egyptians, and bring them up out of that land unto a good land and a large, unto a land flowing with milk and honey: unto the place of the Canaanites, and the Hittites, and the Amorites and the Perizzites and the Hivites and the Jebusites.”

Well, that certainly sounds like a land without people for a people without land...

So God says 'go to Pharaoh and tell him to let you and yours go.'

Moses demures and also says 'what shall I say unto them [the Hebrews]'

Verse 14 “And God said unto MOSES, I AM THAT I AM: and he said, Thus shalt thou say unto the children of Israel, I AM hath sent me unto you.”

Is this like iambic pentameter?

But God sees problems with his own plan

Verse 19 “And I am sure that the king of Egypt will not let you go, no, not by a mighty hand. And I will stretch out my hand, and smite Egypt with all my wonders which I will do in the midst thereof: and after that he will let you go.”

So get your women to “borrow” jewels of silver and gold, as a kind of 'pre-looting'

Exodus 4

Moses says 'they aint' gonna believe me, LORD.' And God says 'check out the magic rod that turns into a serpent when ya throw it in the dirt.'

Moses does it and “Moses fled before it.”

And God says 'pick the damn snake up you numbskull'

And it turns back into a rod.

[Erm, isn't this PROOF, which denies FAITH, and without faith god is nothing and man then goes on to prove black is white and gets killed at the next zebra crossing?]

And God has a leprous hand/not leprous hand stunt for Moses too.
And a blood/water stunt.

And Moses says 'I got public speaking anxiety LORD, I get so tongue-tied. Can't you get someone else for the gig?'

Verse 14 “And the anger of the LORD was kindled against Moses, and he said Is not Aaron the Levite thy brother? I know that he can speak well. And also behold, he cometh forth to meet thee: and when he seeth thee, he will be glad in his heart.”

Moses gets leave of absence from Jethro his boss to head back to Egypt.

Verse 21 “And the LORD said unto Moses When thou goest to return into Egypt, see that thou do all those wonders before Pharaoh, which I have put in thine hand: but I will harden his heart, that he shall not let the people go.”

Now, that line is worth re-reading. God is going to take away Pharaoh's free will, thus surely rendering Pharaoh blameless for the shit that hits the fan. So who, really, is to blame for all the deaths to come? That'd be the neurotic Bearded Sky Man, I reckon.

Moses' wife Zipporah seems unhappy, and circumcises her son and said “Surely thou a bloody husband thou art to me.”

Silly joke: Couple at a Relate counselling session, and it's not going well. In desperation the counsellor asks the man. “Well, you two aren't communicating much. Do you talk to your wife while you are making love?” And the man shrugs and says “Sure, my mobile's charged.”

Verse 27 “And the LORD said to Aaron, Go into the wilderness to meet Moses. And he went and met him in the mount of God, and kissed him.”

But probably not with tongue.

Verse 29-31 “And Moses and Aaron went and gathered together all the elders of the children of Israel. And Aaron spake all the words which the LORD had spoken unto Moses, and di the signs in the sight of the people. And the people believed: and when they heard that the LORD had visited the children of Israel and that he had looked upon their affliction, then they bowed their heads and worshipped.”

Suckers.


Exodus 5

Aaron and Moses meet Pharaoh, who laughs at them and orders a karoshi.

Verse 6-7 “And Pharaoh commanded the same day the taskmasters of the people and their officers, saying Ye shall no more give the people straw to make brick as heretofore: let them go and gather straw for themselves. And the tale of the bricks, which they did make heretofore, ye shall lay upon them: ye shall not diminish ought thereof: for they be idle: therefore they cry, saying, Let us go and sacrifice to our God.”

This is good old-fashioned management, punishing workers who have temerity to ask for better conditions, to stop them getting ideas above their station. Make them hit higher productivity targets while cutting their wages etc etc. Death by speed up!!

And it's a bad time to be a union steward...

Verse 14 “And the officers of the children of Israel, which Pharaoh's task masters et over them, were beaten, and demanded Wherefore have ye not fulfilled your task in making brick both yesterday and to day, as heretofore.”

And the union bureaucracy blames Moses and Aaron for taking a mildly bad situation and making it worse.

And Moses says to God 'whassup?'

Verse 23 “For since I came to Pharoah to speak in thy name he hath done evil to this people: neither hast thou delivered thy people at all.”

[Moses doesn't get God has a Plan]

Exodus 6

God goes on a riff about how cool he is and all the things he'll do. Frankly a bit embarrassing...

Verse 9 “And Moses spake so unto the children of Israel: but they hearkened not unto Moses for anguish of spirit, and for cruel bondage.”

And God orders Moses and Aaron back to Pharaoh, and there's another family tree for a few verses.

Verse 30 “And Moses said before the LORD, Behold, I am of uncircumcised lips, and how shall Pharaoh hearken unto me?

Good question, given what's coming...