Exodus 7-9: Bearded Sky Man still a Needy Nutter

Exodus 7

God tells Moses and Aaron to keep at it but

Verse 4-5 “And I will harden Pharaoh's heart, and multiply my signs and my wonders in the land of Egypt. But Pharaoh will not hearken unto you that I may lay my hand upon Egypt,and bring forth mine armies, and my people the children of Israel, out of the land of Egypt by great judgments.”

Right, here's the deal. Throughout the coming chapters God unleashes plague after plague, Moses keeps going back to Pharaoh, whose “magicians” can mimic most of the plagues.
But why on Earth is God going through this palaver? It's like he's bought a plague-o-matic kit on eBay and doesn't want the Hebrews out of Egypt till he's had a good chance to test out the entire kit. He comes across as an impossibly needy low self-esteem bully for whom NO AMOUNT of worshipping by his followers is enough. Saddo.

Moses and Aaron do the rod-into-serpent trick for Pharaoh. But his wise men and sorcerers do the same.

Verse 12 “For they cast down every man his rod, and they became serpents: but Aaron's rod, swallowed up their rods.”

Yeah, I saw a movie with a similar theme once.

So God upgrades to stinky water stunt.

Verse 18 “And the fish that is in the river shall die, and the river shall stink: and the Egyptians shall lothe to drink of the water of the river.”

Following orders...

Verse 20 “And Moses and Aaron did so, as the LORD commanded, and he lifted up the rod, and smote the waters that were in the river, in the sight of Pharaoh, and in the sight of his servants: and all the waters that were in the river were turned to blood.”

'Pah', says Pharaoh.

Verse 24 “And all the Egyptians digged round about the river for water to drink: for they could not drink of the water of the river.”

Yeah, just like huge swathes of the planet's population 4000 years later. Progress eh, donchajustloveit...

Exodus 8

Then comes the frog plague. But Pharaoh is underwhelmed because

Verse 7 “And the magicians did so with their enchantments, and brought up frogs upon the land of Egypt.”

Still and all, Pharaoh would like the 'phibs to cease and desist, and promises Moses the proles can have time off for religious observance in exchange.

Moses offs the frogs (well, he asks God to),

Verse 14 “And they gathered them together upon heaps: and the land stank.”

But Pharaoh reneges. ALWAYS. GET. IT. IN. WRITING.

So along come the lice, which the magicians can't mimic. And then a swarm of flies.

Verse 25-6 “And Pharaoh called for Moses and for Aaron, and said Go ye, sacrifice to your God in the land. And Moses said It is not meet so to do: for we shall sacrifice the abomination of the Egyptians to the LORD our God: low, shall we sacrifice the abomination of the Egyptians before their eyes, and will they not stone us. We will go three days' journey into the wilderness and sacrifice to the LORD our God, as he shall command us.”

Pharaoh says 'OK, but not too far away'. Moses makes the flies fly.

Silly joke: Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

But, you guessed it.

Verse 32 “And Pharaoh hardened his heart at this time also, neither would he let the people go.”

Exodus 9

So the LORD says to Moses to tell Pharaoh if he keeps playing silly buggers [pots and kettles, bearded sky man, pots and kettles...]

Verse 3 “Behold, the hand of the LORD is upon thy cattle which is in the field, upon the horses, upon the asses, upon the camels, upon the oxen, and upon the sheep: there shall be a very grievous murrain.”

Murrain-

1. Any of various highly infectious diseases of cattle, as anthrax.
2. Obsolete. A pestilence or dire disease.

Sounds like biowar to me.

Verse 6 "And the LORD did that thing on the morrow, and all the cattle of Egypt died, but of the cattle of the children of Israel died not one.”

Pharaoh doesn't budge. This is becoming comic by repetition/escalation.

Verse 8 “And the LORD said unto Moses and unto Aaron, Take to you handfuls of ashes of the furnace, and let Moses sprinkle it toward the heaven in the sight of Pharaoh.”

Verse 10 “And it shall becomesmall dust in all the land of Egypt, and shall be a boil breaking forth with blains upon man, and upon beast, throughout all the land of Egypt.”

And here comes needy God again...

Verse 16 “And in very deed for this cause have I raised thee up, for to shew in thee my power: and that my name may be declared throughout all the earth.”

And God says his next trick will be the mother of all hail storms.

Verse 20 “He that feared the word of the LORD among the servants of Pharaoh made his servants and his cattle flee into the houses.”

Moses flaps his arms and,

Verse 24 “So there was hail, and fire mingled with the hail, very grievous, such as there was none like it in all the land of Egypt since it became a nation. And the hail smote throughout all the land of Egypt all that was in the field, both man and beast: and the hail smote every herb of the field, and brake every tree of the field.”

I love the smell of napalm in the morning!!

And Pharaoh cries uncle. But Moses is wising up at last and says

Verse 30 “But as for thee and thy servants, I know that ye will not yet fear the LORD God.”

and sure enough:

Verse 34 “And when Pharaoh saw that the rain and the hail and the thunders were ceased, he sinned yet more, and hardened his heart, he and his servants. And the heart of Pharaoh was hardened, neither would he let the children of Israel go: as the LORD had spoken to Moses."